Hard Obedience

{I’m gonna recommend opening this link in another window and taking a listen while you read…or after if you can’t do both at once ūüėČ }


He’s been asking¬† for some hard obedience lately.¬†

And it’s not just the supermarket variety.

It’s the kind that’s so easy to brush under the carpet, hide from view.¬† It’s the kind that requires ransacking the deepest, darkest chambers of my cobwebbed heart and shining¬† a light on the mess that I try to forget, the mess that’s so easy to hide; ¬†

I simply close the door.

Heart obedience- the kind no one sees but Him. 

I’m sure He’s been asking for it for years.¬† I’ve just ignored it.¬† I’ve tuned out His voice in the areas I don’t want to hear Him.¬†

I’ve made excuses.¬†¬†

The very fact that I needed them should have spoken mountains. 

But He’s shone the light that I was too afraid, too weak, too rebellious to.¬†

He’s holding my hand as we walk into¬†these coal-black corridors together.¬†

And He’s¬†not afraid to get dirty.

Because He wants the best for me. 

Even if it’s hard.

He knows my heart’s cry.¬† He knows I want only Him.¬† To live Him.¬† To breathe Him.

But it requires clearing out the junk so that there’s more room for Him.

He’s shown me¬†that sometimes the smallest compromises make the biggest stumbling blocks.¬†

And it’s been true.¬†

The things I have least wanted to be, I have become.  The idolater.  The adulteress.

I have placed my fears, my hurts, my dreams, even my sins, on an altar and bowed down in worship. 

I’ve cheated on my first love.¬†¬†

I’ve loved¬†the messiness¬†more.

And every time I close that door, say no to His¬†leading,¬†and pretend that everything’s just fine, I cheat again.

My fickle heart. 

But I’m ready, Lord.¬† Ready to open bolted doors, peek under dusty beds.¬†

Because I know how good a clean house feels.  I know how bright the path before me looks, when I take away the things that cloud my vision.  I know how sweet your melody sounds, when I take my hands off my ears and listen.

And I know that out of the mire, the dirt, the dust, You create beauty.